Holiday Check-In

Holiday season is here! That means that family and friends come together to celebrate the passing milestones of the year. From pumpkin patches, to trick-or-treating, to Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year, we are bounded to be surrounded by loved ones from near and far. Truth be told, the holidays can warm and cozy just as it can be triggering and upsetting. Some families face higher stress levels due to the fact that everyone is coming together. You may have to face that sibling you had a big fight with, or that aunt whose birthday you forgot, or those long held issues with mom (or mother-in-law). Here is an article that help you check-in and take responsibility for self during this holiday season.

Let’s get started by discussing boundaries. Boundaries are rules set in place to protect you; they protect you from over-working, from over-sharing, from over-loving, and much more. Take time to reflect on the boundaries you previously established, and how well they are or aren’t working. Also, reflect on where you may need stronger boundaries; in what ways have you failed to stand up for yourself? Boundaries can look like having the ability to say “no.” During the holiday season, it is common for individuals and families to receive lots of invitations. It may be overwhelming and exhausting for some people to attend so many events, gatherings and parties, and having to meet so many expectations on top of the load they already have. Therefore, practice checking-in with yourself and practicing saying “no” when you mean NO.

Another area to explore is self-care. How well have you been managing your stress levels? How long do usually wait before you let off steam? Generally, during the holiday season, we want to have fun and be jovial. So, take time to consider the stressors that you need to process, manage or let go. If you are just coming out of an especially tough time, then you may not be in the mood to interact with activities and loved ones. Be sure that you are taking time to breathe, recollect, and put your best foot forward. Just as you checked-in with how well you have cared for yourself, consider how well you have cared for others. Have you been overly-critical lately? Do you usually give others a difficult time at compromising? Are you usually the last one to apologize? Consider ways in which you can treat yourself and others better.

Now comes the hard part, addressing problematic behaviors. Sometimes, people avoid the holiday season because of idiosyncrasies or problematic behaviors in the family. A person would rather avoid the gathering as a whole, just so they won’t have to tolerance annoyances or cause conflict. However, failing to address the issue is a potent method of harming relationships. Relationships are built through communication, compromise and trust. So, if you harbor all of your thoughts and feelings to yourself, then you rob others of the opportunity to contribute to the relationship. Seek a therapist or a trusted friend to role-play addressing problematic problems, or you can journal on what needs to be addressed and the best way of doing so. Ensure that you are identifying a specific behavior, and not attacking the character or personality of the person.